"[I]n close relationships, when you identify with the other person, expressing disappointment can be an effective negotiating strategy. It avoids the negative connotations of anger and protects the ongoing relationship, which could explain why it’s often used (to great effect) in parent-child bargaining. The research also serves as a warning: don’t expect disappointment to have any sway on negotiations with strangers or when your opponent is acting on behalf of others. In those situations, threats or hard bargaining tactics are your safest bet."
- Sebastian Bailey, Using Emotion To Win Negotiations
http://www.forbes.com/sites/sebastianbailey/2013/10/22/using-emotion-to-win-negotiations/

“Anger can be an effective negotiating tool, but only as a calculated act, never as a reaction.”
– Mark McCormack

#MainMessageForToday
Be careful with emotion in negotiation. For example, it is better not to get angry. But, anger can be an effective negotiation strategy.

"Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger."
- Chinese Proverb

"Speak when you are angry -- and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."
- Laurence Peters

#MainMessageForToday
Everyone likes a person who speaks well. To speak well, know when to speak, choose your words carefully, express yourself well, and do not speak in anger.

I like this response to the brewing conflict:

"I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from,
I thought that we were fine.
Your head is running wild again,
My dear we still have everything
And it's all in your mind."
- From the song 'Just Give Me A Reason' by Pink and Nate Ruess

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQFFLBMEPI

Do you believe angry people could deal with conflict effectively?
In the first clip, Madea, known as an angry person who is always in trouble, wanted to fight. She even destroyed the sofa. In the second, she was less confrontational and did not beat on Dr. Phil like she usually does. Do you think she handled the interview with Dr. Phil well? 

Clip 1 from movie 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman':
https://youtu.be/jNyw39a0qnc

Clip 2 from the movie 'Madea Goes To Jail':
https://youtu.be/AHsBK722Yqw

"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
– Carol Tavris

"As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness."
- Dalai Lama

"We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt…"
- Dorothy Day

"Cool it....Use your anger wisely."
- From the song 'Keep a Cool Head' by Reel Big Fish
https://youtu.be/TIuP2_xSXbk

Are you a hothead (someone who gets angry or agitated easily)?
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hothead
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hothead

Theme for the week 9/6 - 9/12: Dealing with people and things in the world that make you angry / things that are difficult to forgive,

inspired by this quote from last week:

"You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything...We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."
- Lewis B. Smedes, Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

#MainMessageForToday
Love yourself enough to forgive because a life full of resentment, anger and hate will do more harm to you.  You may still have hurt or resentment, but you have to control yourself so that you do not repay evil for evil. Choose to not act on it. Do not replay the events over and over in your mind.
Over time, you should forget about the hurt.

"'I may have forgiven them, but I’ll always hold it against them' … Okay, that may sound logical, but it’s not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a releasing of emotional guilt you place upon the other person. It’s a choice we make that happens in the heart. It’s not a release of responsibility or an absence of healthy boundaries, but it is a conscious choice to remove the right to get even from the person who injured you. It’s a release of anger and the right to hold a grudge."
- Ron Edmondson
http://www.ronedmondson.com/2011/10/5-ways-to-tell-if-youve-forgiven-someone.html

Amazing!

Matthew West’s Inspiration For Song ‘Forgiveness’
Grammy-nominated musician Matthew West was so inspired by Renee Napier’s story and her ability to forgive her daughter's killer that he has included it in his new book "Forgiveness" and on his latest CD "Into The Light."
http://katiecouric.com/videos/matthew-wests-inspiration-song-forgiveness/


From the song 'Forgiveness' by Matthew West:

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMn0QNdiuGE

"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."
- Cherie Carter-Scott

"Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on."
- Alice Duer Miller

"Forgiveness does not mean that we suppress anger; forgiveness means that we have asked for a miracle: the ability to see through mistakes that someone has made to the truth that lies in all of our hearts. Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. Attack thoughts towards others are attack thoughts towards ourselves. The first step in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive."
- Marianne Williamson